stretched to the limit

We all have fat days, ugly days or in my case it has lasted a couple of years now and it really drags you down.  Me and self-esteem have always had disagreements and recently self-esteem keeps knocking me out in the first round.  Today i actually had a moment of 'wow you look slightly smaller today' when i looked in the mirror and it actually gave me 5 minutes of relief from my old friend esteem.  Unfortunately that didn't last long as i cooked cupcakes and licked the bowl clean from any cake batter.  

After my daughter had fed every hole on her face other then her mouth i decided to take her for a quick shower.  My daughter is about the only person i feel comfortable getting undressed in-front of, considering i feel like she is about the only person who doesn't realise how south my body parts have gone.    I really dont mind having a bit of extra loving on my body and i think im safe to say either does my husband.  Its something else that i struggle with... the dreaded STRETCH MARKS.  

When my daughter was growing inside me i think she made every single part of my body grow with her.  I was always aware of stretch marks and i knew i was destined to get them but i dont think any one can be prepared for the unattractive signs of pregnancy.  Pregnancy is beautiful blah blah, its a gift and yes all that good stuff, but please , you can not tell me stretch marks are beautiful and in anyway a good thing.

I looked down at my young naked body only to feel angry and upset with what i saw.  I have stretched every way possible.  I have never had big boobs (i'm sure some would say thats a blessing) but now i have small saggy boobs with stretch marks.  My thighs are like melting jelly, and my belly like a cat has attacked me, scratches telling a story.  

The faint white lines are to me as obvious as a black sheep in a paddock full white sheep.  I have to look at the positives in life and be thankful that my stretch marks, the scars that have started taking over my once innocent body, today are their to tell a story of giving life.  Im thankful the scares are not from tragedy or a horrific accident.  Although they bring me down, im lucky to have a husband who loves me and appreciates me as i was before and loves me even more after our child.  

My body gave life, my body will never be the same, but i am still me and forever will be.  Beautiful inside and out, my body tells a story and for as long as i live that story will be told.  Take that self-esteem.. KAPOWWW.